Children. Adults. Sex. Abuse. – A Summary


Let me get this clear:

• All people of all ages – children, teens, adolescents and adults – have sexual urges / feelings.

• These urges are a normal and usual part of development – NOT to be ashamed of or to be assumed ‘bad’, ‘wrong’ or ‘immoral’.

• Adults have the responsibility to set boundaries and allow young people to explore / experiment with these urges safely (this exploration / experimentation includes sexual behaviour and experience, being attracted to other people, learning how to attract other people).

• It is ok for young people to experiment with, and learn about, their sexual behaviour and the boundaries set by adults.

• It is NOT ok for adults to abuse and exploit the need of young people to learn about these boundaries.

• It is NOT ok for young people to be persecuted / negatively judged for behaving sexually.

• It is NOT ok for the behaviour of abusive adults to be allowed because the child has had sexual experiences / urges / feelings.

• An abusive adult and an abused child are NOT two people ‘tangoing’. They are not working at the same task.

• The abusive adult works at manipulating and feeling powerful; the abused child works at trying to negotiate their physical and emotional development when confronted with a confusing and frightening betrayal of trust.

That seems clear to me.


One thought on “Children. Adults. Sex. Abuse. – A Summary

  1. LucyInBed

    This is just a fantastic post. I read it a few weeks ago and keep remembering it, bringing it up in conversation etc, so thought the least I could do is leave a comment!
    What I love about this is that you don’t shy away from all the areas which usually make people so uncomfortable when it comes to child abuse, i.e young people’s sexuality even below the age of consent. You make it clear that we should expect and allow young people to learn about and experiment with their sexuality, but this does the opposite of creating any sort of ‘grey area’ (as mainstream society often seems to imply). You make it perfectly clear that our role as adults is to protect, the responsibility to draw an absolute line is ours.
    You’ve expressed this with so much more clarity than I could in my own head, so thank you.
    Now I wish that bloody lawyer who described the 13 year old girl as… whatever it was – essentially culpable in her own abuse, would read this – it might clear some things up for him…


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